A policeman is standing beside a vending machine. He throws a coin into the slot; out pops a coffee. He throws in another coin - out pops another coffee. He continues to do this for several minutes, while behind him the lineup of people waiting to take their turn gets longer and longer. Finally, the first person behind him taps the policeman on the shoulder and says: "Excuse me, could you let some other people take their turn now?" The policeman replies: "Yeah right! Now when I'm winning!"

A unit of army and police recruits are going through an intensive training course. As part of the instructional seminar the lecturer once gives them a pertinent question: why does a train make noise as it runs along on the traintracks? Nobody knows the answer, so the police lecturer decides to clarify the issue: "All right, let's discuss it. First of all, what is a train? A train is composed of essentially two distinct parts: the locomotive and the freight (or passenger) cars. The cars are being pulled by the locomotive, so we'll just ignore them in our example. Next, what is a locomotive? It is composed of two parts: the engine and the wheels. The engine does not directly touch the train tracks, so we'll just forget it. Now, there are four wheels, so we will take only one as our example. Next, what is a wheel? A wheel is a circle. And what is the mathematical formula for a circle? It is Pi R squared. Now, Pi is a constant, so we'll just ignore it; hence, we are left with Rsquared. Now, what is R squared? It's a square! And what does a square do as it rolles along on the train tracks? It makes noise. Which is why, when a train runs along on the traintracks, it makes a lot of noise."

The Seven Wonders of Communism:

1. Everybody has work.
   
2. Even though everybody has work, nobody is doing anything.
   
3. Even though nobody is doing anything, the plan is being fulfilled to 100 percent.
   
4. Even though the plan is being fulfilled to 100 percent, there is nothing anywhere.
   
5. Even though there isn't anything anywhere, everybody has everything.
   
6. Even though everybody has everything, still everyone is stealing.
   
7. Even though everyonde is stealing, the stolen materials aren't missing anywhere.

Two mountain-climbers are hit by an avalanche while in action. After it is over they're sitting in the mountain with their heads and part of their chest sticking outside the ground and their feet and hands stuck in the snow. Suddenly, they see a big rescue dog with a Red Cross handkerchief and a bottle of brandy dangling from his neck coming towards them. One of the guys turns his head to the other and says:
-"Hey look! The best friend of man is coming."
-"Yeah, and it's being carried by a dog," replies the other.

The Power of Suggestive Thought
A little mouse is digging a hole. Bunny walks by her and asks: "Why don't you borrow a shovel from the mole? " The little mouse considers it for a moment and then she sets going to the mole's house. When she is four metres away from his hole, she says to herself: "The mole won't lend me the shovel." She goes on; three metres away from his hole she stops and says to herself: "He surely won't lend it to me." When she is two metres away from his hole, she says: "The mole is a real moron, he won't lend it to me." At one metre of distance she stops and says: "That selfish miser, he won't lend the shovel to me." She continues walking, comes to the mole's house and knocks on the door. As soon as the mole peeps outside, the little mouse roars at him: "Keep it to yourself then!"

Two middle-aged ladies are talking about their adult children's lives. The first one recounts her experience to the other: "My daughter married really well; she found a good husband who is doing all the work for her, but my son married quite badly; he is doing all the work for his wife."

Admission requirements to the Police Academy: the applicants are given a square wooden hollow box with openings of various shapes and sizes cut into the top part, much like the "fit-it" toys given to infants and toddlers to play with. They are provided with the corresponding fittingly shaped wooden blocks . Their task is to fit the blocks into the box throught the appropriate openings at the top. Based on the results of the study they are then divided into two categories: smart and strong.

A dissapointed father is lecturing his young son:
-"At your age son, Napoleon was the best student in his class!"
-"And at your age daddy, he was the emperor of France" replies the son.